Lipstick Feminist

Why I Hate Women

by Constance Marie Lingus

For those who don't know, The Women's Channel, also known as The Lifetime Network, is a man's idea of what women want to see on TV. This programming miracle mostly consists of disease of the weak movies, talk show, and shows about shopping. The talk shows, which are produced specifically for Lifetime, are among the most offensive on television. One is called The Image Workshop. Every episode of this show features at least on person telling us that we should be fat and don't bother dieting anymore, you're making yourself sick. They also feature people who've lost a lot of weight, people cooking low calorie foods and a woman who shows us how to exercise. The hostess is a slightly heft woman and the live studio audience is mostly overweight. Contradictory messages such as these only serve to further confuse and frustrate the viewing public. I feel a great deal of pity for these people. The other very offensive talk show is called Attitudes, which you may have seen spoofed on Saturday Night Live a few seasons ago. This is the show that my channel changer stopped on.

On this segment of Attitudes there were two women arguing with two men. All were in their mid-twenties, all fairly typically attractive white people. The men were "catcallers," that particularly low breed of scum that insists on yelling sexist and derogatory comment to women they see in public. The women were "catcalling victims." Now, I thought this was a pretty clear-cut issue. I know of no woman who enjoys being verbally harassed on the street, no matter what the guy may look like. And this is a fairly prevalent phenom, especially in Manhattan. Once I leave my neighborhood, which seems to be a particularly genteel one for the most part (the homeless appear to have much more respect for others than the mainstream of society), I personally get catcalled an average of once every two blocks. I'm not talking about the "Hello, nice day, isn't it?" kind of stuff. I'm talking about very offensive noises and remarks about what specific body parts of mine are attractive and what the catcaller would like to do to me. Many times these men are in groups, and sometimes they try for physical contact. Sometimes they follow me down the block. Sometimes they follow me all the way home, which can be quite unnerving.

Well, the majority of the "ladies" in the Attitudes audience were on the side of the MEN! I was flabbergasted. Sure, most of the audience were older women and maybe they grew up in a different time, when catcalling was not so aggressive. But the audience overall felt that catcalling was complimentary to women. They said they would respond positively were it to happen to them. They insisted that the anti-catcallers were "exaggerating their claims," as to what had been said and done to them. I got so angry I was yelling at these women through the tv. This audience of robots suggested that women who didn't like it should: 1. make sure they look ugly when they leave the house and 2. say something back to the catcallers. These tactics don't work. I've tried both. I've even threatened to get the police involved, but the officer who was catcalling me wasn't threatened by that.

I turned the channel. I was hoping to find a show that redeemed my faith in women, so I landed in Donahue-land. The subject of today's show was men who had written books about how to get women to "fall in love with you," ie, have sex. The show was actually a Ross Jeffries bashing party. You see, Jeffries, a particularly geeky guy, had written a book called, I think How to Get Any Woman to Sleep with You. He gives other geeky guys tips on how to play that stupid "love game" that so many women fall for. You know the game: if the guy seems to eager, you don't see him anymore. You figure there must be something wrong with him. If a guy doesn't try to molest you by the third "date" you don't see him any more. If a guy doesn't spend a certain amount of money on the date you don't see him any more. If a guy doesn't flatter you the right way, pays too much attention... the list goes on. The other guys on the panel (and there was one gorgeous woman who had co-written a book with her husband about being the kind of man that women like, but they hardly spoke to her) had written books on the same topic, but they had cleverly disguised the books to put the emphasis on women. For example, one book was how to do stupid magic tricks while you flirt with the babe of your choice. The audience loved this concept and in fact the author actually picked up a woman seated in the front row, proof positive that the game works! Naturally, the "ladiesÓ in the audience hated Jeffries. He'd called their bluff. He was telling other men what phonies these chix were and how easy it was go get over on them. And guys, you know this is all true. The women attacked Jeffries on the basis of his bad looks and his cocky attitude and insisted that they would never date a guy like that. But I think 90% of the women in the audience were lying to themselves and to us. They've all dated a Jeffries, and they probably wanted to marry him.

Women are socialized to enjoy abuse by men, as I saw on both these afternoon talk-fests. Only they don't know it, or refuse to admit it if they are aware. They're in favor of verbal abuse when it's presented to them in the proper light--by young attractive white males. But get an ugly guy telling other ugly guys that women enjoy being mistreated and here's how to do it, well, they freak. They get angry. They refuse to accept the truth. You know that myth that women only want to be friends with "nice guys?" That, "Oh, I think of him as my brother" bullshit? It's all true. Nice guys and "nice-ness" are not respected in this society. Nice guys are not masculine enough, they're not "good catches." And until women admit this, until they realize how much they invite abuse by rewarding abusive behavior and rejecting the "nice guys," there can be no advances in the way men perceive women. This kind of denial ensures that the repulsive behaviors, the game playing, will be taught to our daughters, perhaps not in words, but in actions. The cycle of abuse will continue for generations.

Now, perhaps I'm generalizing, but I personally don't want to be associated with a group that likes to be catcalled, and admits that, but won't admit to enjoying or tolerating other abusive behavior from men. Catcalling is abuse, not as extreme as rape or physical assault, but abuse nonetheless. Perhaps it's indicative of a problem in society as a whole and not just of my gender and sexual orientation. That afternoon, I was ashamed to be a breeder female. And the anger I felt towards those women flowed out of me like the red river running between my legs.
reprinted from
Snevil #1,Summer 1992
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