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The Queen of Dirty Knees

or how i stopped worrying and learned to love oral sex
by constance marie oÕheron

Let's be honest, as a teen I hated giving blow jobs. I couldn't think of anything more reprehensible, vile, despicable, disgusting than having some guy's penis in my mouth. As a consequence, I'd do anything to avoid giving them. Most girls I knew were so worried about their beloved reputations that they'd go down on a guy inside of ten seconds, while I, well, I... anyway...

As time went on, I got used to the idea of oral sex, but it didn't make me like it any better. As a result, I made my blow jobs as boring and unvaried as possible, if only not to be asked to do it again. But what I discovered was this: the more boring the blow job, the longer it takes to bring the guy off. I always had sore neck and face muscles.

One day I got a new boyfriend. Now, this alone did not force me to perfect my technique. When I got his pants down I discovered that he was wider than average. I have a little mouth (ask my dentist, and don't get any naughty ideas, she's a woman), so one oral encounter was enough to send me scrambling for new ways of giving head. Eventually, I got so good at it that he was begging me for blow jobs. And believe me, begging is quite a turn-on.

First thing I did was I looked at some books and discovered that most of the texts you find in your average Barnes and Ignoble donÕt give much info in regards to techniques. Most books I looked at advocated the lamprey or leech method, just sucking and moving your head up and down. In some circles this is also know as hoovering. Everyone already knows how to do this; you donÕt need a book to teach you how to give a bad, boring blow job. Some of these books also give brief instructions on the deep throat technique, which, thankfully, I have not needed to resort to (yet).

Further research revealed two basic approaches to more exciting oral sex: the slow one and the fast one. The slow one is sometimes referred to as the swirling ice cream cone and the speedy one the snaky lick trick (who comes up with these names?). The sicc basically involves alot of licking in long smooth motions, while the slt is quick flicks to the underside of the ridge where the head joins the shaft, one lick approximately every 15 seconds.

An impromptu poll of my friends and acquaintances revealed this little known factoid: most guys dig blow jobs. You know the old joke: I just had the worst blow job of my life; it was incredible. But some guys are a little squeamish about having their precious member so close to teeth. Some guys dislike the loss of control. Be easy on them, girl. For the first few times, if at all possible, I recommend the on your knees position. Not only does it give you a decent angle for your explorations, it makes the guy feel like heÕs having his cock worshipped, and guys dig that for some reason. The guy can be seated or standing. Some other things to remember are this: the head and the ridge are the most sensitive parts, the shaft the least and donÕt forget the testicles! Licking and gentle pressure are good. Once you really get going, keep the motions consistent. Decide beforehand what youÕre doing about his cum (i hate that word; itÕs so debbie does dallas)--spitting or swallowing or making him pull out (you dieters out there: itÕs totally untrue that cum is highly caloric; I think IÕve heard itÕs about 10 calories a squirt). If he gets rough with you, make him stop.

But what IÕve learned is this: you gotta ask, you gotta experiment, and you gotta pay attention! And above all, you must have fun. If youÕre not having fun, no oneÕs having fun.

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