period piece

by melpomene whitehead

When I was 10, I had a red marker in my pocket and it leaked and stained my underwear. For a whole day I thought I got my period. Boy, was I relieved when I took off my jeans and found that capless marker! It was spared for about 6 more months.

I finally got my period when I was eleven, and I was pretty baffled. We hadn't yet seen the Tampax film in class (oh, I know all you girls remember this one, when we got marched into the auditorium sans boys and saw a very nice flowery little film about our menstrual cycle. There was a lot of romping in soft focus.).I didn't really know what to do, so I just bled for a few days and my mother finally noticed when she went to do the wash. Then she told me about "sanitary napkins."

I don't know where the name came from, but there is nothing sanitary about sanitary napkins. Each and ever time you go take a piss, you're forced to confront the fact that you're bleeding profusely. Plus, back then pads were really bulky and I was sure that everyone could see a big lump on my lower butt. Additionally, back in the old days, pads didn't have the groovy "wings" they have now, so you were spilling out all over the place. Being only eleven, I just followed my mom's lead and stuck with the pads. Once I saw the Tampax film I switched over, especially when the woman explained that it didn't hurt when you put it in, and you'd probably not notice that it was even there.

I was one of those lucky crampless girls (probably due to constant situps to battle my perceived fatness), so tampons were a real boon. I didn't really see it as a "curse" like most girls, and even though I bled heavily for seven days each month, it wasn't too much of a big deal. By the time I was seventeen, I was on the pill, so my period changed drastically and became just a mere shadow of it's former self, making it even less of a hindrance than before.

Now, I'm off the pill, and I'm pretty obsessed with my "friend"--there are "ex's" and "o's" all over calendar marking fertile days, starting days, etc. And Uncle Red is wackier than ever. Now I've got 3 very light days, 2 moderate days, and one day that's so heavy you'd think I was hemorrhaging. Watch out, the flood gates are open! And now I get clots--big chunks of pre-fetal tissue that remind me of something from CHUD. Just the other day I was in the shower, on the second day, the heaviest day of all. I had just turned off the water and I sneezed pretty hard, and this blob came flying out from between my legs -- it was like a spontaneous abortion. Maybe some other time I'll tell you about my PMS.
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